Letters from Roscoe

Forgiveness.

You would think it should be easy, but sometimes it is really hard to do.

Lately, I have had the recurring notion that I need to forgive my stepfather for the many, many wrongs that he perpetrated against my Mother, my sisters and me.  I’ve thought about telling him face to face, but I really don’t want to speak to the man, so then I considered writing him a letter.  In it, I would tell him ‘I forgive you.’ While I would list in painstaking detail every wrong that I could recollect.  I even thought of posting it on Facebook where everyone could see what he did!

I even started writing THIS letter to you with the idea of telling ‘you’ what he did and how badly we were wronged.  In the big scheme of things, it wasn’t all that bad.  Compared to some of the real abuses that seem to go in today’s world, I probably shouldn’t be upset about it at all.  However, if you’re the one that was hurt then it hurts bad enough.

But then I deleted it.

I trashed it not because the things he did weren’t that bad, but because I don’t believe that that is what forgiveness is all about.  I mean, if I am going to forgive you for something do I really need to explain to you how terribly you wronged me?  As the ‘victim’ I may feel entitled to do that, but is it really necessary to repeat back to them the details in order to actually ‘forgive’ them?  For that matter, to forgive someone, do you even have to tell them?  Or is ‘forgiveness’ more of an internal or heartfelt act to keep you from dwelling over it and wasting your life by being bitter and angry about something that probably no longer has an effect on you?

Is that what Christ meant when he said in Matthew 7:3 (NLT); “Why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?”  If we are carrying around a grudge, are we really capable of helping anyone else with a similar issue?  If something is bothering us after years have passed, can we counsel another person on how to let go?  I would think not.  I’m a few hairs short of a full head of hair, but the analogy that comes to mind when I think of an angry person telling someone else not to be angry is that of a mother brushing her daughter’s hair while she (the mother) is angry at the father.  OK maybe that analogy doesn’t fit this instance but it’s still a funny visual.  Especially to a bald guy.

But back to the subject at hand.  Can I just pray to God that he will give me the strength to just ‘Let go’ and move on, and to help the person that has wronged us?  Or do I really need to go find this guy (that I really don’t want to see or speak to) and tell him “I forgive you.” face to face?  OR should I follow the 6 to 15 step processes to forgiveness that you can find on Google?

I am so hoping that it is the one-step process called ‘Prayer.’

What are your thoughts?
Your friend,  Roscoe a Christian in Training