Him

This letter was written for and presented at the Men and Women of Grace Luncheon held on March 17, 2018

You probably know already my Dad died when I was young.  He had pancreatic cancer and some of the memories I have of him before he died are not good ones.  So I tend to not remember a lot of things from that time.

After he died, my mom did her best to raise four young children on her own in south Alabama all the while trying to learn and perform in a new job.  Her success brought in the critical income needed to support the family she was now wholly responsible for.  We never went hungry.  We never went without clothes or a roof over my head.  She took good care of us and continued the effort my Dad made before he died and that was to help us stay close to God.

So like you’ve heard many other people of our generation say.  I had a ‘drug’ problem.  She drug me to school and she drug me to church.

So that is when I met Him the first time.  I remember Him whispering to me to step out into the aisle.  He said, ‘It’s time to go down there and tell the pastor you want me to come in and live in your heart.’  His was a quiet voice, even now I have a hard time remembering exactly what He sounded like or what He said.

But I listened and I obeyed.  I walked down to the front of the church and spoke to the Pastor and told him what I had heard.

His voice was still there when a couple of weeks later as I was baptized in the church.  He continued to follow me at a distance over the next few years.  I got glimpses of him when I was in the Royal Ambassadors.  The leaders, Mr. Parrish and Mr. Money seemed to look a lot like Him.

My mom remarried and it wasn’t long before we moved away from that town so my stepfather could take a job in a different city.  When we got to that new place He was still there.  He was off in the distance, a solitary figure that followed me wherever I went.  As my mom and stepfather encountered problems, he came a little closer.  He helped me to not worry about things.  He helped me to forget other times.

I remember that one time I saw Him, He looked a little like ‘Old Man Gilstrap’ the little man my stepfather had bought the drugstore from.  Mr. Gilstrap helped me one day when I really needed some love.  Through his actions and words, he let me know that sometimes things happen that just aren’t right, but that I am loved and that others care about me even if it seems the ones that should matter the most don’t.

And then suddenly He was far away again.  I was in the Navy, away from family, away from home and in charge of no one but myself.  Boy did I almost mess that up!  And more than once!  OK it was a lot of times.  But each time somehow I got bailed out, or I caught a break, or I dodged the ball . . . Anyway you say it, He was looking after me and not because I deserved it either.

I wouldn’t acknowledge it, but I believe I could still see Him even then.  He was way off in the distance, barely visible with lots of other ‘more important things’ in the way.

In March of 1979 He came back into my life, but I didn’t realize it at the time.  I believe it was through Him that I met my wife Cindy, she first helped me to see Him.  Mostly, because she knew Him already.  Theirs was a close relationship that had begun years before.

Just a few months later, we were married and I was out of the Navy and on a whole new career.

And again, He was gone.  Other ‘stuff’ took His place.

And this is the way my adult life went.  A career that I thought was really important but in the end was really nothing more than a salary.  Raising a family that I didn’t yet know how to appreciate.  Trying to do it all myself because I thought it was up to me and I was the only one who could do it.

But He came back into view a few years ago and He is now closer than He has ever been before.  It happened one day after months and years of denying he even existed.  When I couldn’t picture an everlasting life much less desire one.

It started with just a little faith.  Faith as small as a mustard seed.  I had a little faith, and then one day I had hope.  I really didn’t even know I was without hope, but one moment I didn’t have it and then I did.

From that point on I began to see him more clearly.  He wasn’t up close, but I could see him better than I ever had before.

Suddenly though, I was cooking eggs one Saturday morning and I looked up and He was all around me.  He was making the biscuits and gravy.  He was cooking the sausage and slicing the tomatoes.  These men that were helping me cook breakfast – they All looked liked HIM.

How do I know that it was Him all this time?  Because every once in a while, when I’m looking in the mirror while shaving – I believe I see HIS reflection instead of mine.

He came into my heart in 1966 and no matter what I’ve done, or how many times I’ve denied Him he has stayed with me.  He has been within me all along.  And now because I have faith, I have hope, because I have hope, I have love.

And now I can picture that everlasting life.

As a final note, when I picture Heaven it is with Jesus sitting across the table from me and asking me to pass him the biscuits and some of Cindy’s gravy.  I picture the two of us laughing and crying at all the stupid things I did.  (Yes I know that will take a while but – Hey, we’ve got eternity!)

And I picture Him holding me tight and telling me that it’s OK because He has always loved me.

I can picture it, I think it’s a little far off right now, but it’s getting clearer.